Reflections

The night is quiet. All the big things--cleaning up the kitchen, picking up the house, lessons ready for tomorrow--are actually done before midnight. All the children are sleeping...oh wait, there's Grace stirring...

Yet I can't sleep. I close my eyes and the last year flashes before me in my mind's eye. I see God's hand of grace and mercy at every memory. I didn't see it much during that time, in the midst of just trying to survive. Struggling to function, feeling like I failed at every turn with the other kids because I was too depleted physically to do much of anything. Looking forward to the day that precious baby was delivered so I could get back to normal, whatever that meant. And then to have a colicky baby who couldn't nurse for 2 months. Four kids to take care of with a husband working a very demanding job. I feel like now, 5 months after Grace was born...now I'm starting to feel normal. A new normal, but at least normal. She's rarely colicky, is happy for the most part during the day (even though she doesn't nap very well), sleeps all night (except for tonight, evidently), and is utterly adored.

So during all those dark days and nights, those moments when I had no idea how I was going to take one more step, let alone care for three precious children already in front of me...God was there. YOU were His hands and feet. YOU who brought me meals because I didn't have the energy to stand up and cook myself. YOU who came and stayed with me and helped me take care of my family. YOU who prayed for me, for us. YOU who invited my kids to come and play at your house. YOU who had us over for meals. YOU who took care of my kids so I could spend every moment by Grace's little isolet for that week that felt like an eternity. YOU showed me, and my family, God's love...God's grace...God's mercy. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for that. And for this...Grace...unmerited blessing from God. It is, and she is.