Good, good Father

It's been one year since I found a lump in my breast. That discovery set us on a path I never could've imagined...

If I hadn't found that lump, I never would've become a patient of Dr. West...never would've had such a full workup of labs & discovered I had mold toxicity...never would've discovered the mold all over our attic and crawlspace that was silently making us all sick in different ways...

Riordan Clinic

If I hadn't found that lump, my faith wouldn't be as strong, learning in a very real and raw way to fully depend on Him (definitely still learning!!).  When the rug is pulled out from under you and there is no denying that you are not, in fact, in control of anything...you can either lose your mind trying to gain control or surrender it all to Him. Some days I'm better at surrendering than others. When 95% of your belongings that you've spent years and money accumulating are sitting in a trailer because they smell like mold (and therefore I can't have them anywhere near me), you realize you really don't need a lot of those things (although the heirloom furniture, letters from Grandma Mary, and teddy bears made from Grandpa Elmer's shirts are irreplaceable...). 

If I hadn't found that lump, we would still be living in our house, oblivious to the fact that mold was causing a lot of health problems. We would be enjoying the fruits of our labors with the remodeled kitchen and the woodburning stove keeping us warm every winter. I would be cutting flowers all spring and summer from my flowerbeds to brighten our table. We would spend summer evenings chatting with the neighbors. But now, we enjoy the beauty of God's creation in new ways...sitting on the deck watching the sun set, enjoying my morning coffee watching wildlife roam across the property, listening to the birds, riding scooters late into the evening all over with no worries of who is next door or driving down the street, going for a night swim under the stars, cooling off in the pool on the hottest of days. And we still spend evenings chatting with the new neighbors ;-) My childhood dream of living in the country has come true...just not the way I thought it would!

If I hadn't found that lump, a lot of things would be different. But I still believe God is sovereign and God is good, so even the really difficult things-the hard moments/days/weeks/months-I rest in His promise to never leave me, to work all things for my good and His glory. As this song says, maybe someday I'll be able to look back and see the flowers in the valley.

Flowers by Samantha Ebert

I remain cancer free, praise God! I am still doing work and weekly treatments to get my body wholly healthy. I am thankful for where I am, where we are as a family (truly-we are all alive and that  could have very easily not been the case), for the innumerable prayers our friends and family have prayed over us, for the support we have been given at every turn--money donated to our church's fundraiser (!!), a car (!!!), a home to live in (!!!!), help with driving to appointments, help with the kids, a listening ear...so many ways everyone has been the hands and feet of Jesus. 

It has been a DOOZY of a year and I can't wait to see how God finishes this chapter of our family's story. He is a GOOD GOOD Father, no matter the ending.

Rest

 

	Wed, Jun 25, 9:29 AM (4 days ago)

“Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

God is strong when we are weak. He doesn’t get tired or weary. He doesn’t get confused by the burdens of the world. He also doesn’t expect us to get it perfectly every time we become weary and exhausted. Isaiah 40:31 days, “but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint.” God provides us with strength when we are weary. Enduring with faith is not usually easy, but Isaiah tells us that He has promised to be our strength. 

There are many, many nights (why are nights always the hardest?!) when I do not think I can take another step in faith, trusting God’s plan for my family. I tell God, “I can’t do this anymore. I’m so weary.” That’s when the Holy Spirit reminds me of verses like Matthew 11:28-40 and Isaiah 40:31…I don’t have to take another step on my own. I just have to surrender my will and allow the Lord to renew my strength, day after day and night after night-no matter what those days and nights bring. 

The memory verse for this week in my Bible study is 2 Corinthians 9:8. “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” All grace. In all things. At all times. What a beautiful promise! No matter what your days and nights bring you, never forget all that the Lord has promised. His yoke is light. He will renew your strength. He will give you sufficient grace to make it through, enduring in faith that God is good & He is sovereign.

When I stop and look back on all that Anna (and our family) has been through in the last 12 months, I'm amazed at how far we have come. Anna has improved so much (though she still has a long way to go). My health, though still challenging, has improved. And every step of the way, God has been teaching me to let go. Over and over again. Let go. Trust. Trust that God is good, and whatever He is doing through all of this...He is good.

Whatever He decides to heal or not heal, whatever He decides to provide or not provide, He is still good. All glory and honor to Him alone. Any strength I have to make it through the trials we face is only from Him alone. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!