Good, good Father

It's been one year since I found a lump in my breast. That discovery set us on a path I never could've imagined...

If I hadn't found that lump, I never would've become a patient of Dr. West...never would've had such a full workup of labs & discovered I had mold toxicity...never would've discovered the mold all over our attic and crawlspace that was silently making us all sick in different ways...

Riordan Clinic

If I hadn't found that lump, my faith wouldn't be as strong, learning in a very real and raw way to fully depend on Him (definitely still learning!!).  When the rug is pulled out from under you and there is no denying that you are not, in fact, in control of anything...you can either lose your mind trying to gain control or surrender it all to Him. Some days I'm better at surrendering than others. When 95% of your belongings that you've spent years and money accumulating are sitting in a trailer because they smell like mold (and therefore I can't have them anywhere near me), you realize you really don't need a lot of those things (although the heirloom furniture, letters from Grandma Mary, and teddy bears made from Grandpa Elmer's shirts are irreplaceable...). 

If I hadn't found that lump, we would still be living in our house, oblivious to the fact that mold was causing a lot of health problems. We would be enjoying the fruits of our labors with the remodeled kitchen and the woodburning stove keeping us warm every winter. I would be cutting flowers all spring and summer from my flowerbeds to brighten our table. We would spend summer evenings chatting with the neighbors. But now, we enjoy the beauty of God's creation in new ways...sitting on the deck watching the sun set, enjoying my morning coffee watching wildlife roam across the property, listening to the birds, riding scooters late into the evening all over with no worries of who is next door or driving down the street, going for a night swim under the stars, cooling off in the pool on the hottest of days. And we still spend evenings chatting with the new neighbors ;-) My childhood dream of living in the country has come true...just not the way I thought it would!

If I hadn't found that lump, a lot of things would be different. But I still believe God is sovereign and God is good, so even the really difficult things-the hard moments/days/weeks/months-I rest in His promise to never leave me, to work all things for my good and His glory. As this song says, maybe someday I'll be able to look back and see the flowers in the valley.

Flowers by Samantha Ebert

I remain cancer free, praise God! I am still doing work and weekly treatments to get my body wholly healthy. I am thankful for where I am, where we are as a family (truly-we are all alive and that  could have very easily not been the case), for the innumerable prayers our friends and family have prayed over us, for the support we have been given at every turn--money donated to our church's fundraiser (!!), a car (!!!), a home to live in (!!!!), help with driving to appointments, help with the kids, a listening ear...so many ways everyone has been the hands and feet of Jesus. 

It has been a DOOZY of a year and I can't wait to see how God finishes this chapter of our family's story. He is a GOOD GOOD Father, no matter the ending.