Beauty in the Storm

It certainly feels like our life is a constant storm these days. Every time I think we've turned the corner, something else happens. I guess God is just making sure I remember to stay dependent on Him alone!

The MRI showed I have a complex tear of my lateral meniscus. Yes, just from standing up. Ha! I have bad knees-"knock-kneed" and hyperextended knees my whole life means they have had extra wear and tear and over the years which has just weakened things, especially on the outside of my knee. A week ago, I had Platelet-Rich-Plasma injections and started physical therapy. It feels much, much better already so we're all really praying that these two therapies will help me avoid surgery (plus all the supplements I'm already taking are helping keep inflammation at bay).

We had some decent weather a couple weeks ago, so Grace enjoyed doing her schoolwork outside so she could snuggle with Daisy!

Isaac has been on the hunt!! Papa has a bounty out on squirrels, so he keeps a sharp eye out for them!! 

It's paying off!

He watches out the picture window often, with his 22 at the ready!

Papa might need to come out of retirement if he keeps it up!

School or squirrel hunting?? ;-)

Just when I thought things were settling down for us, Grace got super sick. Pretty sure it was influenza. She had a high fever for 3 days, then a cough that hung on for weeks. Poor girl lost 4 pounds! She doesn't have any to lose!! I'm just thankful no one else got the high fever stuff. We're all trying to keep out all the loveliness going around, but I'll take a cold over a high fever any day!

Big sis brought her an orange, but as you can see Grace didn't have much of an appetite yet.

She hasn't been that sick since we figured out her food allergies. It was a loooooong 3 days! I did a lot of Raindrops on her (a technique of putting specific essential oils on her spine), LMNT electrolytes, and tepid baths with Epsom salts, baking soda, and bentonite clay. Her body fought like a champ! I'm still so thankful for all the knowledge I've gained over the years on how our bodies were designed to work, ways to naturally support them, and knowing when it's time for more than what I have in my cupboard. No fear, just knowledge and empowerment!

She did not want me to leave her side, so I spent a lot of time sitting in the recliner, doing my Bible study and trying to catch up on lost sleep when she was sleeping (why do they always get worse at night and then sleep all day?!). As chaotic as life has been, this bedroom has become quite the haven for me. It has beautiful views, I have all my plant babies by the sliding glass door...really having very little "stuff" from our house makes it feel pretty calm and tidy! I can see why Grandma wanted her desk by the bay window, where she would sit and study her Bible and pray for everyone she loved. And today, on what would have been her 96th birthday, it feels like the best place to be.

Still getting most of my IV's at home. It's not enjoyable, but at least I can be at home even if I mostly doze off while watching classic TV with Grace!

The deacons at church put on a Valentine's luncheon for our widows. Thanks to a generous donor and an excellent day-after-Valentine's sale, we were able to give each one a gorgeous bouquet!

I've been getting pretty nauseous with my IVC's, so I've done a couple at the clinic to check my levels afterward. Turns out the dosage I'm at is not enough anymore, so we upped the dose and are waiting to see if that will be enough to get my levels where my doctor wants them. Isaac came with me so he could drive me home because I knew I would NOT feel good after this one-a higher dose and being pushed so quickly (so they can get an accurate result) would leave me very tired and probably feeling pretty yucky. I was right! I got us out of rush hour traffic, and then he drove the rest of the way. He did great and I'm so thankful he's willing to drive me around!!

We got home yesterday before the nasty weather hit! We woke up this morning to bitterly cold temps (below zero windchills) and blowing snow. It hasn't stopped snowing all day! The bitter windchills are only going to continue to drop the next 2 days. I'm thankful for a warm house and big windows to enjoy the beautiful snow without having to go outside!!!

Since the windchills are supposed to reach -25 to -30 the next 2 days, the dogs get to hang out in the garage. Anna and Grace set up a posh doggy hotel, complete with old blankets & heat lamps!

 Aside from PRP and physical therapy, these two products have been AMAZING for my knee! DMSO is an incredible powerhouse for inflammation. RCO's Muscle & Joint Pain Cream is excellent for the pain that's come from not walking normally and not being able to sleep normally! On top of several anti-inflammatory supplements like Curcumin, fish oil, and NAC. 

I had my follow-up appointment with my doctor today after repeating some labs. Best news....ZERO cancer cells!!!! I still have a lot of work to do to heal and continue to stay cancer free...balancing hormones and detoxing mold are the biggest ones, but it feels VERY good to see that big, fat zero on the circulating tumor cells test!

So thankful for the Lord upholding us through all the ups and downs!! Staying in the Word, spending time in prayer, and focusing on His Truth are what keep me upright!

Where Were You?

In chapters 38, 39, and 40 of Job, God finally spoke directly to Job. These are just a few things He brought to Job's attention:

Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy? When I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band, and prescribed limits for it and set bars and doors, and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stayed’? Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place, that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it? Have you entered into the springs of the sea, or walked in the recesses of the deep? Have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness? Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth? Declare, if you know all this. Who has cleft a channel for the torrents of rain and a way for the thunderbolt, to bring rain on a land where no man is, on the desert in which there is no man, to satisfy the waste and desolate land, and to make the ground sprout with grass? Can you lift up your voice to the clouds, that a flood of waters may cover you? Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go and say to you, ‘Here we are’? Who has put wisdom in the inward parts or given understanding to the mind? Who can number the clouds by wisdom? Or who can tilt the waterskins of the heavens, when the dust runs into a mass and the clods stick fast together? Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God, let him answer it.

Wowzer. God did not hold back! He very clearly reminded Job that HE IS GOD ALMIGHTY and He certainly does not need to explain Himself to Job. God holds the oceans in check, commands the thunder and rain, put the stars in place. Isaiah 55:8-9 says,

For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are My ways higher than your ways
    and My thoughts than your thoughts.

 We cannot fathom the depths of God's wisdom and knowledge. Did it make any sense at all to Job why God allowed so much tragedy in his life? No. Does it make any sense to the world why bad things happen to "good people"? No, it often doesn't. But God's ways are not our ways. If He is powerful enough to hold the oceans in check, He is powerful enough to bring about His purpose in our lives...even if that doesn't look like we think it should. There is nothing about the last 6+ months of my family's life that looks like we thought it would. Anna's dream job turned into a nightmare that almost took her life. The home we were turning into our dream house (except it was in town ;-)) turned out to be slowly making us, especially me, dangerously sick. One thing after another has not been what we thought it would/should be.

Let me be clear...I have to remind myself very often of the truths I shared above. I have days, even weeks, where I get pretty good at throwing myself a pity party; when I just get sad/angry/defeated and tell God, "I want my life back!"; when it is hard to put one foot in front of the other because I'm physically and emotionally drained, and because I'm a little nervous what the next step might bring!

Yesterday, that next step (literally) did something to my knee. I could barely walk. The pain was intense. X-rays didn't show anything, a physical exam didn't shed any light on what was going on (if you need the best chiropractor in Kansas, go to Andover Spine & Health!). So, I get to scoot around on a walker (I'm too dangerous on crutches!!) for a few days and see if rest and supplements and e-stim will do the trick, or if it's something more serious. Who would've thought the 44 year old would need the walker before the 69 year olds?! The girls and I had planned a girls' day today, to go get coffee and a trip to Hobby Lobby. Then we were all going to head to the shooting range for some family bonding. What a bummer. Again! Why do our best laid plans keep blowing up?! Honestly, I have no idea. I don't know why God brought us to this point. I know He has a plan and His word tells us it is for His glory and our good. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there is a time for everything-to weep & to laugh; to keep & to cast away. I'm trying to hold everything the Lord has given me with open hands...but I've discovered today that I'm not very good at that. I don't like to be dependent on someone else. I'm like a petulant toddler who insists, "I do it myself!" as God continually nudges me to let go. Whether that's letting go of something as silly as letting Isaac make my coffee, or as hard as a home...God wants me to let go, to let Him show me what His purpose is and how He can make me more like Jesus. I might never understand His purpose this side of Heaven, but I know I can continue to grow in my faith every day for the rest of my life. Sometimes I just wish He would be a little gentler in how He chooses to help me grow! ;-)

So thankful I am loved by a God who is not only just, but full of grace and mercy!

 

Where is the good?

November felt like a sprinting marathon. The relief of a clear biopsy was quickly replaced with Aaron’s kidney stone surgeries & recoveries. Throw in a baptism, birthday, sicknesses, and Thanksgiving, and I felt like I’d survived a hurricane. There were plenty of days when I asked the Lord, “Can’t just one thing be easy?!” It honestly felt like every time I turned around, something was going wrong…someone was getting sick, recovery was much harder than expected, I was having reactions to mold, kids were fighting, Aaron was crazy busy at work. Life just felt hard everywhere I turned.

But then He would remind me, through a friend or family or His creation, that there were lots of good things going on. I just needed to look for them. The weather we had was absolutely gorgeous, making walks on the trails so enjoyable.

I was able to do my IVC treatments at home. Sometimes in unconventional ways, but at home nonetheless!! Such a blessing to not have to be gone from home for hours & hours every week.

Having Samaritan Ministries has been an incredible blessing!! Every time we receive a share to help pay for my mounting medical expenses, we also receive a note from a fellow member telling us we are being prayed for. Samaritans has covered all of my “alternative” treatments and even covered 90% of the cost of an infrared sauna because my doctor wants me using one daily. That was easy to do when we were still in Sterling because the wellness center has one. It’s not exactly feasible to drive to Sterling every day to use the sauna, so I’m very thankful they covered it and Dad let me put it in the weight room! Thankful for his and Jacob’s talent for putting things together, too!!

I also tackled painting the cabin! Thankful I felt good enough to do it…it has helped it feel a little more like home.

Eucalyptus Wreath for the win!! It makes the wood even more beautiful!!

It took too many tries but I finally found a good color for the girls’ room. And I did get it done in time for them to sleep in their room! 😂

So, the Lord continues to show me that there is good. HE is good. So thankful for the truth of these verses, that His love is steadfast and never ending, that He is faithful, that He is my hope and my portion! What a good, good gift!!!